


The Night Before Christmas by WinterKnight

by WinterKnight, Xaveri



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Gen, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 14:55:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13297260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterKnight/pseuds/WinterKnight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xaveri/pseuds/Xaveri
Summary: For all Anita Blake fans . . . . A bit of Christmas





	The Night Before Christmas by WinterKnight

**Author's Note:**

> "For those of us who have read the Clement C Moore poem, The Night Before Christmas, it is a beloved memory from Christmases past. I ran across this "parady" of the poem a few years ago, but unfortunately didn't save the site I found it on. It was well written and made me laugh a few times. If you know the person that wrote it, let me know. If you want it removed I will be more than happy to do so."
> 
> Enjoy!

__****

The Night Before Christmas  
by WinterKnight

T'was the night before Christmas  
And down at the 'Damned'  
The monsters were gathered;  
The tent was quite jammed.

Two punchbowls were filled,  
One with blood, one with punch,  
And the werewolves were there  
Should the vamps want to lunch.

My! Jean-Claude was nestled  
All snug in his pants.  
(While the outfit he gave ME?  
Oh no! Not a chance!)

And Richard was there,  
Looking sexy and sweet.  
The sight of them both  
Nearly put me in heat.

Jason was forcing his wiles  
Upon Cherry,  
While Tammy stood under  
The mistletoe with Larry.

Zane and Stephen were there,  
And Nathaniel was too,  
Yipe! The movie they watched  
Had three X's not two!

Asher and Damian  
Stood off to one side,  
Damian to stand guard,  
Asher to hide.

There were garlands and lights,  
A tree and a wreath;  
Though, when I looked a bit closer,  
The angels had teeth;

Long, pointed fangs-  
These weren't angels of God!  
They were vampire angels,  
Crafted just for Jean-Claude.

On the table sat Santa  
With gifts in his sled-  
Not one pulled by reindeer,  
But by gargoyles instead.

And yes! Stockings were hung  
By the (faux) chimney with care,  
Thought I shuddered to think  
What we might find in there.

But the crowd was all cheerful,  
The atmosphere merry.  
You could almost believe  
That the monsters weren't scary.

So the noise, when it came,  
Went unnoticed at first,  
Till the roof above rattled,  
And somebody cursed.

I reached for the Browning,  
And started to swear.  
My hand came up empty-  
The gun wasn't there!

I'd left it at home,  
In its place on my bed,  
Just the Firestar now-  
I was filling with dread.

They all came to attention.  
What was there? Could they see?  
Shit! It could be the Council!  
What, paranoid? Who, me?

Sound rushed from the air duct,  
We all held our breath.  
What emerged from the grating?  
The assassin called Death.

A long bandalier  
He had strung on his back  
And he looked like a soldier,  
Prepared to attack.

His eyes were light blue,  
The look in them scary.  
I'd seen it enough  
That I know to be wary.

But the new outfit,  
Why, my God, what was that?  
Atop his blond head  
Perched a red Santa Hat.

He took in the scene  
And he summed it up quick,  
This strange new amalgam  
Of Death and St Nick.

He looked to the wolves,  
And the leopards, and vamps,  
Then he showed me a case  
As he undid the clamps.

The inside was soft,  
Grey like granite or rock,  
And nestled in velvet  
Lay a shiny new Glock.

I feared for the others,  
But a twist of his head  
Soon Gave me to know  
They had nothing to dread.

"Just a token," he told me,  
"Of my great esteem,"  
Then he glanced at Jean-Claude  
And his eyes held a gleam.

He moved with ease toward the vampire  
(For he knew who was faster)  
And presented a gift  
"To St Louis's Master."

Under wrappings of gold  
Lay a silver-etched stake.  
While they all stared in shock  
I saw Death make his break.

But I heard him exclaim  
As he strode out of sight,  
"Merry Christmas to all-  
I'll be back for the fight."


End file.
